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The Missing Fourth Branch of Government

One of the many facts that we pick up in school is that the government of the United States is divided into three branches. By itself this fact may not be as critical as knowing where fire exits and toilets are, however, it is still an important fact and teachers every day strive to insure that their students will retain this information at least as long as it takes to pass a proficiency examination. It is somewhat surprising that considering the importance of this information, many students who were sick the day this information was presented have still gone on to lead almost full and productive lives.

The founding fathers never imagined that their successors would be as desperate for votes as fashion models for diet pills. This desperation has led to an accumulation of laws that even lawyers cannot understand. Lawmakers pretend that the laws they pass are useful while pandering to every potential voter (real or imaginary, legal or illegal, living or dead). Then lawyers pretend that the laws make sense (which they do from the perspective of billable hours). Many ideas have been put forth to reduce the effect of desperate politicians. One such plan addresses the quality of the pool of candidates wanting these jobs which might be drastically improved, or at least reduced, by requiring them to ride horseback to get to Washington.

Our government can be compared to a biological organism. This comparison is particularly useful for those who find the theory of evolution plausible. It is difficult to consider the evolution of an organism that would posses a mechanism for ingestion without a corresponding facility for elimination. Although, this might explain why the dinosaurs got so big. Yet, this is the problem with our government.

Like an evolving organism, our government is growing. Driven by the collective will of its components, it wants to get bigger it wants more control, and it wants more money. Just as Dr. Frankenstein forgot to include a mechanism to disable his creation, our founding fathers neglected to include a means to limit the pervasive and expansive nature of the organism of government that they created.

A possible solution might be an amendment to the Constitution to include a fourth branch of government. This branch would be made up of two officials elected from each state who have the responsibility of removing any law over twenty years old. Since these one hundred people would be lobbied beyond all measure of human endurance, it would be important to have this branch located as far away from Washington as possible, consideration should be given to Alaska. Although if Nevada continues to resist accepting toxic radioactive wastes, Alaska might also be embolden to resist the importation of politicians.

If the legislative branch wanted to keep a particular law, all they would have to do is vote for it again. This would allow legislators to gain credit for the same popular programs over and over again, like, for example, income tax.

This amendment might not be as easy to get approved as one would think. The desperation of the government to grow is only exceeded by its desperation not to shrink. This sentiment was accurately captured in the movie "Blazing Saddles", "we have to protect our phony baloney jobs."