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Families

Whether tribal or clan, serf or slave, or rural or frontier, families throughout history have been the environment in which people were born, raised, and started their own families. We all start out as selfish children and often only begin to be selfless as we become spouses and parents ourselves. As society emerged in urban and suburban forms, families began to shrink in both depth and breadth. This often removed some of the pressure to curb selfishness. It also reduced some of the pressure to face reality.

The post WWII baby boom might be seen as a result of ex-servicemen wanting to have their own families. The phrase, “A man’s home is his castle” seemed to capture a romanticized ideal of family. That those who had a dream of family life were often ignorant of how to build it might be seen sadly as the 1950s gave way to the 1960s and the consequences of being ill-equipped to run a family became apparent in teenage rebellion, drug use, all manner of indulgence and even the feminist repudiation of family.

One might see a parallel to families in considering molecules of gas in an enclosed space. Each molecule is traveling at a speed that allows it to collide with another molecule and impart or take away heat energy. Some have referred to families as “pressure cookers” where each member collides with another. Some see the solution to this as to reduce the number of “molecules” through relocation or birth control. Much of modern life consists of impoverished relationships because decreased contact with others is not the same as improved relationships.

Relationships outside of families become thin because no one wants to spend time socially being uncomfortable. Fleeing the abrasiveness of others as well as not getting corrective feedback on our own abrasiveness hinders our ability to be able to form deeper relationships. Others are often only tolerated as long as they can bring emotional or physical pleasure, entertainment, opportunities for ambition or advancement, or access to money. The containment of families often forces us to bear with each other even though it can feed resentment.

For Christians the solution to the friction families can cause is resolved through maturing in faith which is the abandonment of selfishness. Children can be resentful because no one likes to be corrected. However, parental steadfastness can be rewarded years later by the character developed by one’s children.

The aristocracy of various cultures throughout history have indulged themselves with all sorts of idiocy because they were free from many of life’s difficulties and left the raising of their children to others so that they could remain “children” themselves. Our modern society of technology and prosperity has followed a similar path, but with a much higher percentage of the population abandoning their responsibilities. In a way we have removed or reduced many of the life difficulties that have forced people in the past to mature, develop character, and learn to be grown up. Subsequently, few today have anything of real value to teach their children.

It is sad when even Christians are unable to teach their own children forbearance, perseverance, and real self-sacrificial love. The closeness of families has always been where these difficult characteristics could be forged. However, there is still hope for one outside of family;

When my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up. -  Psalm 27:10

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