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Regret

Our lives become filled with the consequences of our words and deeds. As one grows older, many of these are looked back on with regret. Youth often contributes both impetuousness and ignorance to things later reconsidered. Underlying both words and deeds is our internal thought structure from which words and deeds originate. While we may not be able to undo those things of our youth which we now regret, we may be able to help our children fare better.

1. Forbearance. Often called self-discipline, this is a skill that is more difficult to develop for some than for others. The ability to override or delay an often emotional reflex can often save one from latter regret. Since most of childhood consists of reflexive reactions to one’s environment, parents can play a large part in helping their children exercise this often neglected skill.

2. Discernment. Forbearance is almost a prerequisite for discernment. One needs to be able to contain reflexive reactions so that the truth of something can be ascertained. For example, delaying a response to a marriage proposal to insure that one has enough truthful information to determine how selfish the proposer is can aid one in making a better informed decision. Parents can help children see the world in terms of reality so that more accurate observations can be made.

3. Resources. Up until 100 years ago families were larger in both depth and breadth. Parents and grandparents were not as often seen as impediments, but could be valuable as sources of perspective and knowledge from their own experiences and regrets. If parents can help their children recognize when it would be advantageous to seek out information from others, it might save them from making the same or even worse mistakes.

4. Recovery. Not every bad decision can be avoided. Parents can help children learn how to identify when they have done something wrong, ask for forgiveness, and make restitution. Some mistakes cannot be corrected such as a crippling injury from a drunk driving accident. However, many can be if not completely recovered, then partially made right.

Perhaps the best gift a parent can give his child is a vital and living faith in core Christianity. Denominational Christianity can actually hinder the work of the Holy Spirit whose work would greatly aid the avoidance of regret.

The reason these actions fall on the shoulders of parents is that children start life completely selfish and self-absorbed. They live in fantasy worlds of expectations and desires. They know little about the nature of others and the world and are vulnerable to deceptions and seductions. The only protection they can expect is from the guidance they receive from the only people who love them. Sadly, today’s parents are often deficient in these skills themselves. Thankfully that in Christ parents also can draw upon resources of wisdom, truth, and forbearance.

Regret can range from incapacitating (2Cor 2:7) to not even felt (1John 1:8). Regret is best made use of in motivating us to not feed the flesh (Rom 13:14) but to walk by the Spirit (Gal 5:16).

Perhaps the worst regret would be to discover after death consequences that result from having not been interested in the salvation that is offered by trusting in the gospel of grace that Jesus died and rose again to pay for our sins.

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